Life of a Stressed Twenty Year Old

It’s been said that your twenties are the best years of your life. The years where you’re old enough to do what you want without much backlash. Your selfish years. When I was younger, I couldn’t wait to become an adult and start living life as a twenty something who has her whole life planned out perfectly. Since turning  twenty in September, I’ve come to realise that my teens are way behind me, and I still don’t have my shit together!

I’m in my second year of university and soon I’ll be packing my bags and moving to America for six months to study and complete an internship. I’ll be moving an almost 11 hour flight away, halfway across the world, leaving family and all but three of my friends and I still always manage to find a white sock in the dark wash! I see so many girls around the age of 15 trying their hardest to desperately look and act older with their perfect contouring and designer handbags. Does anyone else think its unfair that they missed the dodgy zebra highlights and blue eye shadow phase we all had to go through when we were 15 by the way? I look through photos of when I was still in school and cringe at the fact I left my house dressing the way I did and how I did my hair and make up. While I regret the interesting fashion choices, I still love looking at old Facebook photos from back in the day where the only thing I really worried about was if I was going to miss Waterloo Road and if Effie was going to choose Freddie or Cook.

When we are in our mid teens, many of us can’t wait to finish school, to turn 18, to go out clubbing (legally, without panicking you’re going to lose your older friends ID that you’re borrowing for the night), to go to university or start working etc. Sure, growing up is great but in reality, once you leave school you lose so many friends and once you go to college/university you realise that your teachers basically spoon-fed you information that you now need to find out yourself if you want to pass your classes. Clubbing is fun, but your hangover the next day will make you regret everything about the night before. And yeah, university is great, I know I made the right decision in going, but deadlines are stressful and student debt isn’t going to be fun. Working is great, you get money! But then you also get taxed, have bills that need to be paid, and long hours that make you wish you were still at home, in your pyjamas binge watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S. True, being an adult is great, but there are downsides too, rent, bills, the constant pressure of thinking how your future will turn out etc.

I’ve recently come out of a situation where I was very unhappy of where I was living and it got to the point where I felt that I needed to get out, but things like paying more rent and not wanting to lose money in the long run when I have a flight to save for got in the way. Eventually, I realised that not everything in life is going to go the way I planned and things happen that cant be controlled, I’m the type of person that feels the need to be in control of everything or I’ll worry everything will go disastrously wrong. I blame this on my star sign, virgos are known to be control freaks! I’ve been told for years how I ‘need to relax more’ and ‘need to stop stressing out’. Eventually I finally accepted the fact that this situation wasn’t going to get any better and the only way to improve things was to get out, and I’m so glad I did. I’m so much happier that I finally took the step to not focus on the negatives and to think of the positives and ultimately, my happiness. 

While I realise that I worry too much (admittedly most of the time I worry unnecessarily) and I need to calm down, I can see that I’m in the same boat as many other people my age. I’m at uni, a place where people in their late teens and twenty something’s are constantly worried about paying rent, not being able to afford to pay their bills or food, failing classes, trying to find work now for when so they have the security of a job when they graduate. Everyone worries about their future, it’s natural, everyone wants to do well and do the best they can.

Yes, I’m now in my twenties and I have rent and bills to pay, I have assignments to complete and an exam to take, I worry constantly about actually finding a job after graduating because I know I’ll be in debt from my student loan (which I am so thankful for lets be honest!). I worry that I’ll leave uni with a crap grade and be in a shitload of debt with nothing to show for it. I find myself worrying now about things that won’t be happening for at least another couple of years. I have responsibilities, we all do! But on the other hand, I’m in my twenties and at uni, I have an incredible family, amazing friends and an exciting future ahead of me, why at the age of twenty am I worrying about things that I know will work out fine?

I know I’ve spent most of this post talking about how stressful being an ‘adult’ is, but a the same time I love having certain responsibilities and more freedom than I did a few years ago. I love uni life and how independent it makes me feel and how much I’ve grown in the space of a year. Driving, going out clubbing, earning my own money (and spending it when payday and student loan come around) are just some of the aspects of ‘growing up’ that I love and make me feel like a real adult! Yes, I recently burnt my hair while cooking super noodles (true story) and I still phone home when I need help, which to be fair is often, I still miss ‘the school days’ every now and then but I honestly think those who say your school days are the best days are wrong. I much prefer my earlier twenties, being independent and at uni than my school days where yes I had less responsibilities, but I also had less freedom and worried much more about pointless things like what people thought of me and keeping up with the latest trends.

I have to say writing this post has been both therapeutic and an awakening for me, it's made me realise that its fine to be stressed about important things, as long as you don't let the stress get in the way of you moving forward. Everybody has problems and it's comforting to know that we're all in all in the same boat trying to make the best out of life (with the help of a bottle wine, obvs). 

While my twenties might not have started off as smooth and as extravagant as my younger self thought they would be, its nice to know that I’m not the only twenty-something who hasn’t got their shit together!